Fear, self-worth, and mentorship with Debbie Heiser

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0:00 Are you tired of feeling hopeless, or do you feel as though you carry around an invisible ball and chain? If so, you are in the right place. It's time now for Awaken Hope with Kandiee Campbell. Kandiee is a therapist and grief counselor that works with women to help them process and heal from emotional events that can keep them feeling stuck. Let's take this journey together. And now, here's your host, Kandiee Campbell. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Awaken Hope. I am so super grateful that you are choosing to name. As you know, I'm coming from the state of Hawaii. And if you've been listening, you know you may or may not hear a plane or a jet flyover.

0:48 If we do, we'll just take a moment to re-pause because unfortunately, we cannot repeat what the record arrives at the side of the plane over my head. So, I have the supreme honor to welcome a guest to my show. Her name is Debbie Heiser. And Debbie and I met her mastermind girl, Peter Bach, and we've been friends and she's mentored me and she's helped me along the way in home business and my own state of mental well-being, getting my mindset straight for how I need to show up in this world. So, I would love to introduce you to Debbie. Debbie, thank you so much for being willing to come on my show.

1:35 I'm grateful. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I'm very grateful. I love seeing you and spending time with you. So this is a bonus to my day. So I'm excited. Well, tell us, tell the listeners what exactly do you do? I know, I mean, I know from my perspective, but I would love for it to come from you. Yeah, thank you, Kandiee. So my name is Debbie Heiser and I call myself a chief igniter. And what I do is I help people kind of ignite that passion inside of them and help them get really clear on what they want their lives to look like. And kind of what I say is I help entrepreneurs then to make a lot of money because once you have the clarity of how you want to show up in service in the world, then it's about understanding the clarity of how you want your life to look and then you make the business a conduit to help you create that life.

2:37 And I see a lot of business owners get into despair and lose hope about what they wanted, right? They had these dreams about what they wanted and they're frustrated and things just aren't working the way they want it to work. And so it's about sometimes pausing. Other times it's people building a new business. And because I think, you know, life is just too short not to have a lit up life. And, you know, I've had people comment on things in social or say things to me like, you can't like seriously, you're leading this lit up life or they'll be like, oh, I'm living the dream.

3:14 I said, yeah, I am. Right? Like I'm choosing to look at my life as miracles and look at my life as positive things. And it doesn't mean that I don't feel the feels and it doesn't mean that I don't have some tough stuff happen in life. But it is perspective and how I look at it. And so I help other people and provide tools to them. Because once we can gain clarity and once we can unlock some of the beliefs that they have created, because words, we create context around words and we learn them from our parents and, you know, generationally, that's part of why there's generational awareness happening in the world right now, too, and generational healing is because when you're a young child, if you think about it, when you're first born, I know you're waiting on your grandson.

4:04 When you're first born, you don't, you don't have a, you don't care. You're just present. Like when you think about babies, they're just present. They don't know how to communicate. They cry. Somebody helps them with their needs, you know, and then we start to create meaning behind things with words and we take those words and create beliefs out of them. And so when we can kind of go back and figure out where that belief came from and change the belief to what we want it to be, that honors us and moves us forward, that's really my jam. That's what I love helping people do. And once we do that, then the how I make money with it and, you know, how I plan out my life and, you know, but I, I even say make a plan and God laughs at you, but, you know, like how I create then this world that I live in, that part becomes easier because I've unlocked these beliefs.

5:00 Right. And it's not like it's layers. It takes time. And you know, but that's what I would say I do. And then I'm an adjunct professor at Gonzaga University in Spokane, Washington, and I have a couple of classes I teach online for that. So yeah. Well, I can attest that Debbie doesn't know what she's talking about and she has helped me. I mean, at the time she was helping me, I was in a lot of lost space because I was dealing with health issues. I was dealing with a loss of my mother, not too terribly well and before that and was just kind of all culminating in all at once, but she kind of helped me be dissected and she helped me to, she planted those seeds and showed me how my words were affecting what the outcome was.

5:56 And she's right, you know, you can leave the lit up life, a wonderful life as long as you are aware. And it does not mean that, you know, we don't go through life with no problems. Right. But for everybody that's kind of boring, wouldn't it Kandiee? You know, we are not immune to it just because we've gone through healing and we've gone through, you know, I say reconstruction, but almost a reconstruction of our thoughts, paying attention, it's awareness about what we're thinking, not that you're not going to have the thoughts and you know, your mind's not going to flutter and go off and into its own space.

6:41 However, when you are aware of those thoughts coming up and when you can say, Oh no, that's not the direction I want to go. Let's retool that word. Let's reframe it from this is horrible to I'm challenged with something and life is not necessarily presenting everything, it's P2P, we don't go through, I've done the boss for the work. Yeah. And Kandiee, it's so interesting that you say that because I just actually had a speaking engagement that I talked about how words matter and words are matter, right? And how the words that we say to ourselves, so to your point, it doesn't mean that there's not struggle, but I kind of look at that struggle when I look at the pain, you know, I had lost my mom, so that was part of why I was able to understand when you were going through that too and taking then the wisdom and the things that I've learned and the struggles that I've been through.

7:43 And I don't tell people then, Hey, here's what you should do. It's more of like, here was my experience. If you can glean something from this that helps you, then that makes me really happy. But it was about the words to that we use when we go forward, you know, like as an example, those words trigger things for people to write, there's context behind it. My daughter-in-law hates the word moist, right? Like so there's, there's like certain words that people will get triggered by. And one right now that I'm kind of on a bandwagon about is I hear a lot of coaches talk about, Oh, you know, women need to just come in and when they're working in their business, they need to charge what they're worth.

8:29 Well, the thing that I have an issue with that about is most of the people I see, every client actually, I can't think of one that hasn't has some kind of self-worth issue. And so if I, if I'm trying to charge what I think I'm worth and I have a self-worth issue, no wonder I'm not charging for the wisdom, right? So like I've started to even change that wording to not worth, but think about the wisdom that you have if you're a coach or like in your case too, the wisdom that you have, you know, like there is compensation that should be paid for that wisdom and then people can glean from it and we can show up in service to people, you know, and there's all sorts of words like that.

9:16 I talk about the, you know, saying I'm sorry versus please forgive me. And there's a big connotation difference there. When I say I'm sorry, that's really about me feeling better about myself, right? Like versus, you know, Kandiee, please forgive me. Thank you for waiting. If I was late, right versus I'm sorry, I was late because of X, Y, and Z. It's more of like, thank you for waiting. I know your time is valuable and I appreciate that. It has a different energetic feel to it. And that puts the focus then on you versus I just want to feel better, right? And the I'm sorry is you owning your heart because that's the only thing we can be responsible for.

9:58 Yeah. I mean, I was just talking to a person about that. It's like we can't, we cannot control people, other people. We can control how we respond, what we say or do, or what we think and what actions we walked out, but the rest of it, it's not about controlling someone else. It's about owning our part and how we show up for what we don't do in response to someone because the more we can acknowledge that and be aware of, I want to say the easier it is, but it's easier to let go of things. Yeah. It shifts things. Yeah. Absolutely. I want to go in that candy because a big piece of what I do and I share with clients all the time, right?

10:48 Like I see the potential and I have this belief. I know that they can go do it. And so I'll say to people, please borrow the belief I have in you until you believe in yourself because this whole idea even of worth, right? Like I've seen so many people that I've worked with both privately and then at the retreats that I hold where they just get into this mode of not feeling like they're worth it. So then how can they have a belief in themselves? So you hear a lot about imposter syndrome, that's belief, right? And helping people believe in who they are, it changes things.

11:32 You know, like even the word boundary, like there are totally appropriate times to set up boundaries, totally appropriate, but I think a lot of times we use that, we misuse that word in sometimes it's about, I don't need to set up a boundary if you ask me to do something and I want to say no, but I, I'm inclined to say yes because I don't, I don't hold true to what's important to me because of a belief, right? Like somewhere I was taught something and, but if I know enough about myself and I'm self aware about what works well for me and what doesn't work well, I can say, Kandiee, you know what, thank you so much for offering me that opportunity, but I'm just not available right now to do that.

12:18 And I don't have to go on, we as women sometimes tend to go on and on and on about why we can't do something when in fact nobody really cares, right? Like why we can't, it's just more of like being comfortable in our own skin and I, that's what I help a lot of women do because we have learned, I'm not going to say we, I had this experience where I learned not to believe in myself and therefore I didn't trust myself to make decisions. I didn't trust myself that even though I was the breadwinner for 30 years in a marriage that I could financially support myself, right?

12:52 And so it's about unlocking those messages because it can, you can get into a really dark space when you don't have belief in yourself. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a short break and we're going to come back and you can find out how you can work with Debbie if you are, if this resonates and stuff. Cause I do highly recommend it. And Doug, what do we always say, son, Liberty Mutual customizes your car insurance. They only pay for what you need. That's my boy. And you get out there and you make us proud, huh? Stay up the freeways. Only pay for what you need.

13:45 Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty. Text and whatever, just don't text and drive. Visit Stop Texts, StopRecs.org, a message from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the Ad Council. Welcome back to Awaken Hope. Again, I have the privilege of having Debbie Heiser who truly leads the lit up life. So Debbie, we were talking over the break and I wanted to give you the opportunity to share with people if they're resonating with you and they go, oh my gosh, this is something I need, whether an entrepreneur or just a woman that's trying to lead the lit up life. How can someone get in touch with you? Yeah, Kandiee, thank you for asking.

14:29 I would say the easiest way would be to go out to my website and it's thelituplife.com. And out there, there are numerous ways you can work with me. There is a free community that I have out on Facebook. That's the platform that we're using. It's called BuildHer and you can search that and there's a couple of questions that we ask because we do want this to be a safe place for women entrepreneurs or people thinking about becoming an entrepreneur to go out. And I offer some training and all sorts of things in that group. And then I offer up retreats. I work with people privately.

15:11 I also have a women's mastermind that will be starting and coming up here in the first of 2025. I can't believe I'm already talking about 2025. But where we have a select, there's only eight people, so it's a very intimate group. We travel together. We have group training and coaching and private coaching that goes along with that. And so if this does resonate, what I tell people to is I offer up 30 minutes and I can promise people they will be clearer after that 30 minutes than they were when they first started. And it's important to make sure that they are ready because I want to make sure people are in alignment.

15:56 I don't know about you, but I remember the first time I signed up for coaching, it was like $15,000 for six months and I was so spun out about spending that money that for at least three months of that, I didn't get out of it because I wasn't putting into it because I was so squirreled out about spending the money. So I just want to make sure it's in alignment for people too. So that's the best bet, is go out to Facebook, search for BuildHer, go out to my website. I also have a podcast if you want to listen a little bit more about some of my theories called Lead Your Life with Debbie Heiser and you can find that on all the major platforms.

16:32 So I want to put all this information in the show notes so you can follow, as I know many of you are listening in your cars or when you're driving, so they'll try to go searching now. It will be in the show notes so you can find it on your own, but I do recommend Debbie because she is very wise in what she does. I think she provides a lot of wisdom and guidance, right, you know, sometimes you need that extra set of eyes as they say, she's in the blind spots because we all have them and you know, we're going along and everything seems to be okay, but there's something in that in our peripheral that we think we're seeing, but we're not sure we're seeing, you know, and when you have another set of eyes that goes hey, pay attention to that if it's on the left side of you, you know, on the right side of you, but maybe hindering you from enjoying life as you do it because it's a belief that's showing up that we've become immune to, you know, because we just, it's an automatic, we go on autopilot.

17:39 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I always say to you, I'm a business coach and I need a business coach, right, because of that, because I'm too close to my own stuff. So yeah, whether you're doing, you know, you know, you're an entrepreneur or just want to have some guidance, I mean, you know, myself, I have mentors, I have people that I reach out to, you know, like, hey, let me see what I'm not seeing. And I just had that the other day, I was talking to a friend of mine and she was like, I had some stuff and she's like, well, let's address this.

18:21 She did a little bit of a heavy session on me and she's like, let's address some of your subconscious stuff that's blocking you because our subconscious gets in the way. I mean, we have considering 95% of our thoughts are on the subconscious level, meaning that's the autopilot part of us from the conditioning and the stories that we were in the, you know, the messages we received from our caregivers, our family and parents, and those are going deeper. And Kandiee, even to the point where I'll tell people, like, if they're in kind of a dark spot or they're struggling, I'll tell them, make sure you think about what you're watching.

19:08 If you're watching TV, if you're listening to things, you know, don't watch the dark dramas, don't watch the NCIS right now. Like watch things that lift your spirit up because your subconscious can't deflect messages. I work a lot in neuroscience and when you can't deflect the message, you, your conscious brain might say, oh, I realize that that's not true. I'm deflecting that message, but your subconscious still, it can't deflect it. So it's still coming into your mind. You're just not, you don't have control over it because it's the subconscious, right? And so like really looking at your environment and what you're putting into your subconscious is also important when you, you know, like when you're struggling and even when you're not struggling.

19:55 I mean, I remember when COVID hit and I was a little embarrassed to say this for a while, like I couldn't, I used to love like dark dramas. I couldn't watch dark dramas. I subscribed to the Hallmark channel and I was happy as a clam because they're all like feel good movies, you know, and there's something to that and I don't watch a ton of TV, but it's like, it just, it changes your vibrational energy and that's a, that's a really key piece to that. So yeah, and you know, Kandiee, one of the things I look at too, and as you're talking about that and thank you for those kinds of words that what I love about this conversation is all of these things also point back to servant leadership, which is what I teach at the collegiate level because servant leadership is a disposition.

20:40 And so if we're the type of people that we want to serve and help other people, it doesn't mean that we lay over and people walk all over us. Like people sometimes have a different connotation about the word servant. And if I'm in service to you, I'm going to have a tough conversation with you. You know, like I always say to people, I don't want a friend to go shopping with me, but lets me walk out of the, the shopping center with a pair of jeans that look like crap on me. Right? Like I want somebody that's going to be honest, that's going to call me on it.

21:14 You know, I was talking about how I gave rubber bands away at this speech that I was talking about where we tend to talk so negatively about ourselves a lot of times and I asked people challenged them to move the rubber band every time they caught themselves kind of kicking their baby, right? Like their internal child, but like as we're serving people, it's important because I got called out. Like I was talking to some people after speaking and one woman said, okay, you said you like to hang out with people that call you out on things. I'm going to call you out because I know you were thinking out loud when you threw a picture up of yourself and you said something derogatory about yourself.

21:55 And I'm going to call you on that and I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you. Right? Because A, those are the, that's my tribe. And secondly, they were listening to what I was saying, right? But making sure that we really think about how we're talking to ourselves, not just the environment of what's coming into our subconscious, but what am I saying to myself? If I'm constantly saying something negative about myself, I'm going to continue to lower that vibrational energy and we attract what we vibrate. So, like, I was just talking to my daughter the other day, this was about the grand baby, but about the energy of, you know, what we, what we put out.

22:38 People react to me. My son was getting impatient because he was crying, the grand baby was crying, but you know, I just kind of said it's not about the more you're impatient, the more you're reacting, the more for this situation, the more my grandson was going to react to his father. So it's like, like you said, you have to stop and think about what are you doing? What are you, what messages of energy are you sending out because the people around you, your community, your family are going to react to what you're doing. Yeah. I have some 20-somethings in my life that I call them, like, my semi-quasi daughters because I don't have a daughter.

23:27 And one of them cracks me up because she's always like, what's your vibe, right? And it's so true. It's like, what kind of energy do I want to put out? There's an awesome book, and I can't remember the name of the author, but it's called Quantum Love. And it talks about relationships that we have. You can change how people respond to you by the energy you show up with. But we have to remember, too, though, if we're changing the rules, not everybody, like, responds immediately, right? It's like a water buffalo going, our neural pathways are like water buffalo going to a watering hole until, you know, it's this grooved out path.

24:02 And until a water buffalo decides that he's going to go in a different way and starts to forge a different path in the grass, that's kind of how our neural pathways work. But if we can start to change the energy that we show up with, you can change how other people treat you because of the fact of the law of vibration. Before I take a small break, we'll be back, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned. We have more to talk about. Hello. Hello. Hello. It's Kandiee Campbell from the Awaken Hope Radio Show, and I've got something special for you. As a licensed therapist who focuses on [therapy term unclear], I've teamed up with a writing coach to bring you a series of journals to help you process your feelings and emotions, hopefully gaining clarity and understanding along the way.

24:55 If you're ready to embark on a journey of healing, then I've got just the right thing for you, the Hope and Healing 90-day Journal. Imagine, if you will, having your own compassionate companion guiding you through the ups and downs, twists and turns of life. That's what our journals are all about. Each page offers you prompts and nurturing guidance to help you reflect, explore and grow. Whether you're facing grief, heartache, or just need a little extra sports, the Hope and Healing 90-day Journal is your safe space to let it all out and find your way back to hope. Thank you so much for tuning in and listening.

25:48 I am so grateful, and I want to remind you that no matter how dark it may seem, there's always hope, so take the first step and let the Lincoln Hope together. Head over to the journalingcollective.com to get your journal now. This will change your life. Thank you. Welcome back to the Lincoln Hope. Debbie and I were talking over the break, and it's just like, you know, before we went into break, we were talking about that image out of it, output that you put out, and then that affects how people respond to you. And it is so very true, you just do what's best, you know, if you're, for example, you show up, maybe you've had an off day, maybe you've had a, you're bumpy or things are just, you have one thing after another go wrong, and you send out that energy, you know, stay away from me, stop, get off my lawn type energy.

26:56 Pay attention to see and look around, just do an observation, how people that you come in contact with, are they responding to you, are they angry, or are they, you know, wanting to fight you type energy, or what, because you're right, a lot of us, we vibrate at a certain level, we don't even recognize that we're vibrate. Yeah. And sometimes it we have even like, I'll share a story with you where I would show up at my son's house, and my son and I have had a little bit of a tenuous relationship after I got divorced, and the relationship is great now. But it's partially because I did a lot of work realizing that I was showing up looking and expecting to be disappointed.

27:47 Right? So I'm showing up in this vibrational energy where I'm kind of like walking on eggshells because, you know, and I'm expecting to be disappointed. So sometimes it's expectation tied to that too. And I will tell you one of the best like tests of what you're talking about with this vibrational energy piece is just notice how many people go about their day and don't smile. And if you just literally smile at people, it changes their whole countenance. Life has this, Forrest Gump said, "Life's like a box of chocolate." You never know if you're going to get it. And you ask people who said, "But you can wait on the box, but you're going to get it."

28:28 But you don't know. You bite into it. It might be something different. Yeah. And you know what, Kandiee? I just have one little thing to say that because years ago, I would have like bitten into one and been like, "Hey, this doesn't taste any good." And now I'm like, "It's chocolate." Right? And it doesn't happen and respond positively because it doesn't matter if one of them tastes like caramel and the other one tastes like vanilla and the other one tastes like coffee. It's chocolate. You're right. You're so right. So thank you, Debbie, for coming on the show and sharing your expertise with me. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in and thank you for listening and may you take away a tool, a strategy from our conversation and implement it because life is far too short to continue to go around a silly mountain and not seem something different.

29:24 Yeah. Thanks for having me. I am truly pleased. I'm truly pleased and honored that you've come on my show. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Take care and we'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Awaken Hope with Kandiee Campbell. If you find yourself struggling, just know there is help. Please take the first step and contact Kandiee. To learn more, go to [website address unclear]. If you like our show, please tell your friends and family to listen. Join us again next time for Awaken Hope with Kandiee Campbell.