Faith-based support after abortion with Cindy Jordan

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0:00 Are you tired of feeling hopeless, or do you feel as though you carry around an invisible ball and chain? If so, you are in the right place. It's time now for Awaken Hope with Kandiee Campbell. Kandiee is a therapist and grief counselor that works with women to help them process and heal from emotional events that can keep them feeling stuck. Let's take this journey together. And now, here's your host, Kandiee Campbell. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Awaken Hope. I am so super grateful that you are choosing to tune in. I have a fabulous guest I want to introduce you to. But before we get into the introduction to our guests, I do want to make a couple caveats.

0:51 First of all, as you know, I'm coming to you from Hawaii, you may or may not hear a plan or a jet flight over. If you do, we will take a momentary pause. But let me get into today's guest. Before I introduce her, I want you to know today's subject matter might be a very sensitive topic to some people. It's not, the subject matter is, I will say is about the healing of making a decision to have an abortion. Now hear me when I say that, it's not, we're not, I'm not advocating, we're not advocating for you to go one way or the other, it is about someone's experience and how they came back from that choice.

1:47 The healing process that it took and what is required. So without further ado, I do want to introduce you to Cindy, who is going to share her story. And I say this. So before you go past in judgment, oh my gosh, this is about, you know, a subject matter I disagree with, just listen with your ears and with your heart, because it is about a journey of healing. And as you know, my, my radio show is about giving hope and hope is helping one person every day. Welcome Cindy, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you, Kandiee. Perry, your story, I mean, I know we've had our conversation and we talked and you truly do have a compelling story.

2:43 All right, well, I am an individual who has had two abortions. I should say that I grew up relatively normal family, two parents, a brother, grew up in the Midwest. My high school sweetheart and I became very serious, sexually active. We were a year and a half into college and my mother suspected that I was pregnant and said, if you are pregnant, you are going to have an abortion. And I don't know what shocked me more, the fact that I was pregnant or the fact that, you know, my church going mother was just, you know, screaming at me. So my boyfriend and I went on to have the abortion and we eventually broke up, like most relationships do after that sort of thing.

3:36 And then I had another abortion in my late twenties. At 34, I had my son and I felt very strongly about going back to my roots in the church. You know, I am a woman of faith and was not well received by the person that I went to. So I wanted to have my son baptized and I was told that he could do that, but it would require a confession of sin as part of the baptism and that I could never hold a position of leadership in the church and I could never speak about my lifestyle. He asked me nothing about my, about where I had been, what I was doing.

4:17 So it was very depressing and I stayed away from church for about four years. And then very close friends kept asking me and asking me. So I went to this church and this pastor spoke very openly and lovingly about abortion. And so that was my cue. I had to hear him say that several times, but I did go forward for some healing and I took a little class there. And then I decided my background was marketing and public relations and I decided I wanted to use that at a pregnancy center. So I applied at a pregnancy center and then they also require people who have experienced abortion to go through a healing group because you can be easily triggered, you know, by stories that you hear and things that are happening.

5:07 So I did that and I had been leading, you know, after abortion healing groups for almost 25 years and it changed my life. And the thing about abortion is that it isolates you. So many, you know, in my case, it was decades before I came forward. That's changing a little bit today, but my story is very common with others who wait a very, very long time. And in that interim, there were several emotional issues that I encountered, you know, my lack of self-esteem, I, you know, over eight, I didn't really have control of my finances. Everything was out of control. I was out of control.

5:57 I didn't have substance abuse, thankfully, but my life was out of control. I've moved like, you know, 16 times and I'm not, I'm not a service kid. So I just could not find my roots. Everything was amiss, so that's why I sought out healing and it has changed my life. This is one of those topics. I mean, and I'm speaking for myself, but I know I, as we've had this conversation when I got pregnant with my youngest and I was married, but I was in a very unhealthy marriage and was already struggling with one child, let alone knowing I was pregnant with a second for a moment.

6:46 And I say for a moment, for a while, I thought about it and like, I can't bring a second child into a marriage that was already struggling and, you know, was not a healthy one. I mean, I did not go that route. I think I was more afraid of having it than I was of the actual burning the child in, but I do know it's one of those situations that, you know, you never know what you're going to do, how you're going to choose to respond to a certain situation unless you're in those shoes. And I really do applaud you for coming forward and sharing your healing journey, because I do know based off of what I've read and some people that I do know that have encountered having an abortion, it's one of the hardest things that you can come back from because the emotional guilt, you can speak more to that, but the guilt you feel and the emotional toll it takes.

8:01 Is that true? Oh, absolutely. We talked about something called the guilt shame cycle, and you have to break out of that or it just will ruin your life, and in my case, I kept things stuffed down. And so, you know, at first, I couldn't even acknowledge the fact that I had had an abortion. And abortion is just, you know, it will eat away at you in different ways, whether it's relationships or emotional, psychological, the gambit, you know, it just, it has lots of consequences that you don't expect. I think that's the biggest thing. You can make the choice to abort, but you cannot choose your consequences, because they happen regardless of your intentions.

8:56 It's true. And ladies and gentlemen, I know, you know, again, this is a very sensitive subject, and there's people on both sides of the fence, but the story today that Cindy comes to share, it's not about whether you do or you don't. That's a personal choice. Whether someone does or they don't do it, that is all up to that individual, and it's a personal choice. So today's story and the record, you know, the episode we're talking about is how one comes back, what one, what an individual does need that journey of healing, because we all have to heal from stuff. Doesn't matter what decision you make, do, don't, you still have to heal from it.

9:51 Because as you've heard me say, there's so many things we don't heal from inside out, it will wreak havoc in our lives as we heal. Please share more. Well, as being a faith-based person, that was very important to me. And so the programs that I went through were faith-based, and it's in their content. But I want to emphasize, too, that there are many, you know, I think anybody who recognizes that there's a higher power of whatever they think it may be, there are programs available that do not contain Christianese and aren't based on that. So there are many healing programs. But the place to start really is a local pregnancy center, and many of them are faith-based.

10:43 But nevertheless, you will be welcomed and you will be treated with respect, and they will provide you with the kind of information and the curriculum that you need for your particular belief system. So I think that's important for people to realize. I'm not trying to evangelize here. No, no, no, no, it's truly all about there is higher power, whether you believe in God or universe or universal supreme being, it does not matter, this isn't advocating one way or the other. It's just what you believe as an individual and as a woman. But we're going to take a short break, and then we're going to come back, and I'm going to have Cindy kind of share more of her journey.

11:35 Yes, it is a very touching subject, so stay tuned. Don't disappear, we'll be back. Hello, hello, hello. It's Kandiee Campbell from the Awaken Hope Radio Show, and I've got something special for you. As a licensed therapist who focuses on [therapy term unclear], I've teamed up with a writing coach to bring you a series of journals to help you process your feelings and emotions, hopefully gaining clarity and understanding along the way. If you're ready to embark on a journey of healing, then I've got just the right thing for you, the Hope and Healing 90 Day Journal. Imagine, if you will, having your own compassionate companion guiding you through the ups and downs, twists and turns of life.

12:36 That's what our journals are all about. Each page offers you prompts and nurturing guidance to help you reflect, explore, and grow. Whether you're facing grief, heartache, or just need a little extra support, the Hope and Healing 90 Day Journal is your safe space to let it all out and find your way back to hope. Thank you so much for tuning in and listening. I am so grateful, and I want to remind you that no matter how dark it may seem, there's always hope, so take the first step and let's link and hope together. Head over to the journalingcollective.com to get your journal now. This will change your life.

13:28 Thank you. Welcome back to Awaken Hope. Again, I have Cindy with me, and she is sharing her journey of healing from the decision to have an abortion. Cindy, please continue to share your journey. Cindy mentioned you make that choice and you really can't predict the consequences, and I think that's very true. When I look back in the decades that I really was just miserable, depression, isolation, and so people say abortion is the solution to a problem. I believe it's after abortion when your problems truly begin, and I have a son now and my family is not what it should be. So that is a consequence that I live with and he lives with, and so you throw a rock into a pond and there are ripples, and so I think abortion has that ripple effect that we really can't anticipate or imagine what it's going to be.

14:42 So it really does affect not only your life. I think that's misunderstanding that it's only the individual's life who will be affected. It really affects siblings, parents, and it goes on and on. So I think people, again, it's proposed as a very quick fix, but it isn't. I mean, all you can do truly is like you said, you can't foresee those outcomes or those circumstances that are going to come as a result, but you can just pick yourself up where you are and keep on moving because it's a day at a time and it's a decision at a time. And I really do my heart about that too, because I know that was probably one of the toughest choices and decisions you made, regardless of what anybody thinks again, but it's not about casting up for stone.

15:53 It's not about making a judgment, "Oh, well, I wouldn't do that. Well, I'm here to tell you." I have not walked that path, but I did think it. For a moment I thought about it, and I mean, I didn't go that way. But for people that have had that choice or that decision, no shame, no blame, no, it's picking yourself up a day at a time and going a day at a time. So since I've gotten involved in the pregnancy center world and the after-abortion healing programs that are offered, it's brought me a lot of joy to be able to talk with people young and old, some my age and some a lot younger, and just help them through that, help them through their journey as we call it, as they kind of go back and try to figure out how they made that decision and how it's affected them and how they can move forward.

17:00 That's just, you know, as a counselor, you understand that it's just so important. You can gloss over something, but it catches up with you immediately or eventually. And so some of these people have to dig deep and go back and kind of relive some things and just, you know, clean it out and move forward and it's just, you know, it's wonderful work. I love it. I work part-time in a pregnancy center, but helping other women is very rewarding at this point in my life. So if someone wanted to connect with you and was seeking healing and connections with people that can help, how can they get in touch with you?

17:48 How can they find you? Okay. Well, there's two things I'd like to say. There is a kind of clearinghouse for after abortion services, and that is called Support After Abortion, supportafterabortion.com. That is nationwide, so that is one resource. And then my email, if I may give it, is Cynthia Jordan, just like it sounds, Jordan154@gmail.com. So either one of those would be a resource. I'm happy to talk with you or, you know, email with people. And we all make sure that her contact information is in the show notes. So if you know somebody or you are experiencing something and you need to heal and you need support, by all means reach out, by all means connect, because we, no matter who we are, oftentimes healing takes more than one of us to go through that journey.

18:58 Yeah. We oftentimes think, oh, I need to heal. Yeah. When you get triggered, you get thoughts that pop up and all of a sudden you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, can't go there, sorry. But if you have someone that's been there and then those shoes can say, you know what, I'm going to hold your hand, I'm going to support you. One day at a time, one decision at a time, it's a lot easier. People are very brave who come forward, I think, I mean, it's a brave decision to come forward because it's, you know, we're used to the coping mechanisms we've lived with, whether it's repression or depression or, you know, drugs, whatever it may be.

19:44 So making that step out of something that you think is comfortable is always difficult. But it's a very good decision to seek help and not stay in that place. Yeah, because we all need healing. It doesn't matter because we are, you know, it doesn't matter what decisions you've made in your life, we've all made less than ideal decisions, whether it's something like this or something different. I know I've made my fair share of decisions that I look back and go, wow, what were you thinking, Kandiee? But I can't go back and change that. All I can do is from here going forward saying, okay, everything, every choice, every decision I've made has led me to where I am.

20:36 And I heard a great thing that was saying, you know, it's not about regrets. It's about seeing that each choice and decision you make has led you to where you are today. And that is what you've got to look at and say, would you change that? Right, and that's hard to say. Yeah, you know, we have today. And so it's not helpful to dwell on the past. But I think the exception of that is to go back and, as I mentioned, just confront some of the things that were involved in your decision and see how it has affected you. So you can move forward and realize that you're free of that burden.

21:25 That's very important. And it changes, you know, it changes my family dynamics, it'll change relationships for the better, hopefully. And so that's important, too. Well, we're going to take a short break, and then we're going to come back in and I'm going to have Cindy kind of talk more about her, if she's comfortable, how her family, her son, and her circumstances from here going forward have been impacted by her choice. We'll be back. Well, hey there. My name is Michelle Sorrow. I am co-founder of the podcast Accelerator and host of Fire and Soul, a top 1% podcast in self-development worldwide, and if Start a Podcast is on your bucket list but you haven't because it's overwhelming and downright intimidating, I've got a special gift for you.

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22:57 Welcome back to Awaken Hope. Again, we are... Have a wonderful guest, Cindy, who is talking about her healing journey and how she helps people feel from the choice of having an abortion. All right, Cindy, we were talking over the break about how I would love for you to share how this impacted your current family and as well as, you know, did your parents, did you ever make peace with your parents or...? As I mentioned to you, I think I made peace with my father, but not my mother, and I never actually admitted that I was pregnant. We went in secret to have the abortion, and I dropped out of school for a period of time, and I actually ran away and lived with this guy for a few months and then realized that this was not going to work.

23:59 So I did... You know, I was welcomed. You know, the prodigal son story, they did welcome me home, so I finished college and... But I continued to make just really, really poor decisions in terms of relationships because you think, "Well, this is what I deserve," or "This is what I'm used to," and so I made very poor choices with the men that I dated. So in late 20s, again, I had another abortion and really didn't tell a soul, a close friend. But my family was very, you know, not like all families. They were very close mouth about anything. I think they were older than... They were older when they had me.

24:41 They were in their 40s, and I think they grew up in a time and place when you didn't discuss things like sex and relationships, and so there was just a real disconnect there. And I think when I had my son, it drew my mother and I closer, but yeah, I never revealed my past to them. In terms of my son, I look at him now, he's a grown man, he's married, but he missed out on having siblings, and he was a kid who was kind of recluse anyway. He does computer stuff and things like that. So I think he missed out a lot on the relationship of not having more friends and not having his father present all the time, which was the case.

25:29 So yeah, it affects many, many things. So he will never have nieces and nephews, and the list goes on. So it still makes me emotional, even after all this time, because it's just, it's a reality, it's the reality of it. And that's perfectly, you're perfectly allowed to be okay with that, you know? It doesn't matter what you do or what decision you make. It still, it can still trigger, there's still a small part of you that is still working to make peace with that. And know that you're okay, no matter what, and if you have made any, if anybody listening is new, or needing to make this choice, or it doesn't matter, I'd really encourage you.

26:32 Reach out to Cindy, get support, because you never know, like she talked about, is the consequences that come from making a decision, especially when we're afraid, and have long lasting effects for our lives going forward. It's true. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. So if you were to, hypothetically, if you had someone here that was listening and needing some guidance, what, I mean, I ask what you would encourage them with, or say to them that could help them in this journey of healing. Well, I think I would say, you know, sometimes they're told, well, you're too young, it's too expensive to raise a baby, you know, etc, etc.

27:34 But I would say that you can, you know, I have met in my life, a lady who was my age when I had my first abortion. She was kicked out of her home and left, had her baby, she got through college, her daughter got through college, so it can be done. It's very helpful to have a support system, and I think most people do. And the other thing is that once you have a baby, I think there's a lot of joy. You're coming out of maybe a difficult situation, a very tough decision, but there's a lot of joy in having a child. And I think that's, you know, overlooked a little bit in the discussion.

28:13 So I would say that I would say, if you're pregnant, in essence, you're already a parent, you're already a mom. So it's not just getting rid of this thing, you know, it really truly is a living being. And so that I think puts a different face on the on the argument. So but there is help out there for you. So there are people who are willing to listen to you, and will stand by you, regardless of the decision you make. Thank you, Cindy, for coming and sharing. Would you hope you will consider coming back and sharing some more of your journey of healing? Thank you.

28:57 Ladies and gentlemen, again, this has been this topic can be a hotbed, but again, it's not about this isn't about encouraging someone to go one way or the other. This is saying if you've made a choice, or you know, or you're in a meeting to make a choice, that you're not alone, and there's support out there to help you. So thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I just know, no matter where you're at, you are not alone. Thanks for listening to Awaken Hope with Kandiee Campbell. If you find yourself struggling, just know there is help. Please take the first step and contact Kandiee.

29:45 To learn more, go to [website address unclear]. If you like our show, please tell your friends and family to listen. Join us again next time for Awaken Hope with Kandiee Campbell.